"PRISON PLANET"
An open-source protest against mandatory biological software
The problem
The human body ships with a collection of mandatory background processes that can't be disabled, permanently completed, nor meaningfully automated.
Common executables include:
/prison_planet/to_loop_forever/
βββ pee.exe
βββ poop.exe
βββ eat.exe
βββ drink_water.exe
βββ sleep.exe
βββ brush_teeth.exe
βββ shower.exe
βββ clip_nails.exe
All processes suffer from the same fundamental design flaw:
Successful completion doesn't prevent recurrence.
Users may execute pee.exe flawlessly.
But the system doesn't provide an achievement.
There's no permanent status change, nor an option to select βDon't ask me again.β
Instead, several hours later (if you're lucky):
pee.exe is ready to run.
This is genuinely unacceptable.
Known issues
-
Pee doesn't stay done.
Severity: Critical.
Status: Won't Fix. -
Hunger returns after eating.
-
Sleep consumes approximately one third of available runtime.
Developers have declined to provide an asynchronous implementation. -
Teeth require constant manual maintenance despite being permanently installed components.
No self-cleaning option is currently available. -
Users must repeatedly move between locations to execute basic processes.
Remote execution is unsupported.
Certain installations contain additional environmental dependencies.
For example:
pee.exe
βββ requires:
βββ stand.exe
βββ walk.exe
βββ pants_down.exe
βββ sit.exe (perhaps)
βββ pee.exe
βββ wipe.exe (perhaps)
βββ flush.exe (hopefully)
βββ leave_bathroom.exe
βββ go_back_to_where_you_were.exe
βββ resume_task.exe
All while running background processes like doorway_reset.exe during your journey, so who really knows if you'll ever get those thoughts back.
This isn't a reasonable dependency tree.
Our demands
We, the unwilling users of Human Body, demand:
- Persistent completion states. Mood swings shouldn't even be a thing.
- Batch processing. Allow the whole week's pees to be completed simultaneously on Sunday.
- Reduced dependencies. pee.exe shouldnβt require so many preparatory actions.
- Clear changelogs. Why does my knee suddenly hurt?
- Rollback support. Yesterday it didn't.
- A settings menu.
- Root access.
Until these demands are met, we'll all continue reluctantly operating the software because uninstalling it has unacceptable side effects.
The software works, but we object to the architecture.