"PRISON PLANET"

An open-source protest against mandatory biological software

Current release:
Human Body v1.x
Maintainer:
Unknown
Support:
Unresponsive

The problem

The human body ships with a collection of mandatory background processes that can't be disabled, permanently completed, nor meaningfully automated.

Common executables include:

/prison_planet/to_loop_forever/
β”œβ”€β”€ pee.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ poop.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ eat.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ drink_water.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ sleep.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ brush_teeth.exe
β”œβ”€β”€ shower.exe
└── clip_nails.exe

All processes suffer from the same fundamental design flaw:

Successful completion doesn't prevent recurrence.

Users may execute pee.exe flawlessly.

But the system doesn't provide an achievement.

There's no permanent status change, nor an option to select β€œDon't ask me again.”

Instead, several hours later (if you're lucky):

pee.exe is ready to run.

This is genuinely unacceptable.

Known issues

  • Pee doesn't stay done.

    Severity: Critical.
    Status: Won't Fix.

  • Hunger returns after eating.

  • Sleep consumes approximately one third of available runtime.
    Developers have declined to provide an asynchronous implementation.

  • Teeth require constant manual maintenance despite being permanently installed components.
    No self-cleaning option is currently available.

  • Users must repeatedly move between locations to execute basic processes.
    Remote execution is unsupported.

Certain installations contain additional environmental dependencies.

For example:

pee.exe
└── requires:
    β”œβ”€β”€ stand.exe
    β”œβ”€β”€ walk.exe
    β”œβ”€β”€ pants_down.exe
    β”œβ”€β”€ sit.exe (perhaps)
    β”œβ”€β”€ pee.exe
    β”œβ”€β”€ wipe.exe (perhaps)
    β”œβ”€β”€ flush.exe (hopefully)
    β”œβ”€β”€ leave_bathroom.exe
    β”œβ”€β”€ go_back_to_where_you_were.exe
    └── resume_task.exe

All while running background processes like doorway_reset.exe during your journey, so who really knows if you'll ever get those thoughts back.

This isn't a reasonable dependency tree.

Our demands

We, the unwilling users of Human Body, demand:

  • Persistent completion states. Mood swings shouldn't even be a thing.
  • Batch processing. Allow the whole week's pees to be completed simultaneously on Sunday.
  • Reduced dependencies. pee.exe shouldn’t require so many preparatory actions.
  • Clear changelogs. Why does my knee suddenly hurt?
  • Rollback support. Yesterday it didn't.
  • A settings menu.
  • Root access.

Until these demands are met, we'll all continue reluctantly operating the software because uninstalling it has unacceptable side effects.

The software works, but we object to the architecture.

A wall of satirical Prison Planet propaganda posters about the recurring maintenance demands of the human body.